First Published June, 2010
For the first time in a very long while, my husband and I sat down to dinner….together and alone. A very rare moment to be savoured! It was not however, the romantic interlude that this very rare moment called for. Exhausted, we downloaded the day, indulged in some adult conversation and very speedily regressed to elaborate on the debate of the morning. For the life of me I can’t remember what that was, but I enjoy a good debate and was having fun! My husband opted to leave our discussion for fear of it escalating beyond control. Wise but very exasperating!!! The retreat did allow me however, to further contemplate the notion of ‘pussy whipping’…..Please explain?
To (in part) quote my husband:
Pussy Whipping; how the husband/father/man in any given relationship eventually surrenders to the whim of the woman and ceases to express opinion in order not to rock the boat and entice the ‘bitch’.
I have a theory! A theory why we – particularly we as mothers (and please exclude yourself if you are always delightful!) – evolve into humourless and narky versions of our former selves and why our other halves feel that they are ‘pussy whipped’ into submission and muteness.
I believe that we exist largely out of control. Once glorious free agents, a child appears and pwoof!, our lives transform instantaneously and our whole paradigm has to shift. We are no longer who we were, we are no longer who we thought we would be, we are everything to everyone and no one to ourselves. We do however (most of the time) manage to keep it all together, juggling the balls of motherhood with aplomb with very little prior training. It can be glorious picnic! Adventurous, filled with wonder and overwhelmingly, an incredible and very blessed excursion. But!!! There are the bindi-eyes and the green ants and sometimes your venture into the park to enjoy the sunshine is rudely interrupted by a freak thunderstorm. So too, the manic organisation of children, the catering to their needs and whims, the maintenance of familial equilibrium…..all can become chaos in less than a matter of minutes.
Add another adult, with their own thoughts and views on domesticity and parenting, into this heady mix and there you have it. The mother, who has spent the best part of her day trying to maintain balance, reacts very badly to any advice or suggestions put forward by the man of the house who might just have arrived home and only been privy to the last five minutes. Unless you have a partner that remembers well his former life as a mother of five, this scenario is (often) repeated and repeated and repeated and the ‘bitch’ emerges.
She’s not really a ‘bitch’. She’s just incredibly desirous of a heartfelt, “How can I be of help to you?”.
We love your input, your masculine slant on parenting, your fatherly concern and presence. The issue is the timing!! At the end of a day we are humourless and narky and simply trying to maintain status quo until everyone is in bed. Add to this our constant assimilation of how to be the best mother we can be, fulfilling all our expectations of ourselves and living up to the wider community’s notion of the perfectly in control parent and…..WE DON’T NEED MORE ADVICE. We simply need you to expertly catch the flying balls, continue juggling with us and do it all……EXACTLY HOW WE ASK YOU TO!!!….xox
Joy of the Day: Surviving it!